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What Is Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is about one person getting and keeping power and
control over another person in an intimate relationship. The abusive
person might be your current or former spouse, live-in lover or dating
partner. A psychologist and law school professor who is an expert in
domestic violence has described it as "a pattern of behavior in which one
intimate partner uses physical violence, coercion, threats, intimidation,
isolation and emotional, sexual or economic abuse to control and change
the behavior of the other partner." (Mary Ann Dutton)
Domestic or family violence happens to people of all ages, races,
ethnicities, and religions. It occurs in both opposite-sex and same-sex
relationships. Economic or professional status does not indicate domestic
violence - abusers and victims can be laborers or college professors,
judges or janitors, doctors or orderlies, schoolteachers, truck drivers,
homemakers or store clerks. Domestic violence occurs in the poorest
ghettos, the fanciest mansions and white-picket-fence neighborhoods.
About
95% of victims of domestic violence are women. Over 50% of all women will
experience physical violence in an intimate relationship, and for 24-30%
of those women, the battering will be regular and on-going. And there are
significantly many many many more battered women than men. Every 15
seconds the crime of battering occurs. Most abusers or batterers are men.
They may seem gentle, mean, quiet or loud, and may be big or small. There
is some evidence that shows boys who grow up with domestic violence often
become abusers as adults, however, many abusers are from non-violent
homes, and many boys from violent homes do not grow up to be abusive.
The law
defines domestic violence in very specific ways. Every state and U.S.
territory has laws that allow its courts to issue protection orders, as do
many Indian tribes. Each state, territory or tribe decides for itself how
to define domestic violence and how its laws will help and protect
victims, so the laws are different from one jurisdiction to another.
Although you may be a victim of domestic violence, the laws in your
jurisdiction may be written in a way that does not include or protect you.
This does not mean that you are not a victim, and it does not mean that
you should not seek help.
The law
is a useful and important tool for increasing safety and independence, but
it is not the only tool. In addition to legal assistance, you might
benefit from safety planning, medical care, counseling, economic
assistance and planning, job placement, childcare, eldercare or pet care
assistance, or many other types of practical help and advice. You can seek
assistance from advocates, shelters, support groups, the National Domestic
Violence Hotline, and perhaps even your religious leader or doctor.
- DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
is a pattern of abusive behavior which keeps one partner in a position
of power over the other partner through the use of fear, intimidation
and control.
- PHYSICAL ABUSE:
Grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair pulling, biting,
etc. Denying medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use.
- SEXUAL ABUSE:
Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent,
e.g., marital rape, forcing sex after physical beating, attacks on
sexual parts of the body or treating another in a sexually demeaning
manner.
- ECONOMIC ABUSE:
Making or attempting to make a person financially dependent, e.g.,
maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding access
to money, forbidding attendance at school or employment.
- EMOTIONAL ABUSE:
Undermining a person's sense of self-worth, e.g., constant criticism,
belittling one's abilities, name calling, damaging a partner's
relationship with the children.
- PSYCHOLOGICAL
ABUSE: Causing fear by intimidation, threatening physical harm to self,
partner or children, destruction of pets and property, mind games or
forcing isolation from friends, family, school and/or work.
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Recognize the
Patterns of Family Violence and Seek Help
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of age, economic status,
race and educational background. Find out how to recognize an abusive
relationship and what resources are available to help.
He says he's sorry
and that it won't happen again. But you fear it will. Angry outbursts,
hurtful words, sometimes a slap or a punch. You may start to doubt your
own judgment, or wonder whether you're going crazy. Maybe you think you've
imagined the whole thing.
But you haven't.
Domestic violence can and does happen to people of all ages, races, and
socioeconomic and educational backgrounds. Domestic violence happens to
men and to same-sex partners, but most often domestic violence involves
men abusing their female partners. In fact, the Department of Health and
Human Services estimates that as many as 4 million women suffer abuse from
their husbands, ex-husbands, boyfriends or intimate partners in the United
States each year.
Domestic violence —
also called domestic abuse, intimate partner violence, family violence,
spousal violence, spousal abuse or battering — occurs between people in
intimate relationships. It takes many forms, including coercion, threats,
intimidation, isolation, and emotional, sexual and physical abuse.
Without help, abuse
will continue and could worsen. Many resources are available to help you
understand your options and to support you. No one deserves to be abused.
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An abusive
relationship and in an abusive family: It's about power and control
Though there are no
typical victims of domestic violence, abusive relationships do share
similar characteristics. In all cases, the abuser aims to exert power and
control over his partner.
"A lot of people
think domestic violence is about anger, and it really isn't," says Diana
Patterson, a licensed social worker and violence prevention coordinator at
Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. "Batterers do tend to take their anger out
on their intimate partner. But it's not really about anger. It's about
trying to instill fear and wanting to have power and control in the
relationship."
But anger is just
one way that an abuser tries to gain authority. The batterer may also turn
to physical violence — kicking, punching, grabbing, slapping or
strangulation, for example. The abuser may also use sexual violence —
forcing you to have sexual intercourse or to engage in other sexual
activities against your will.
In an abusive
relationship, the abuser may use varying tactics to gain power and
control, including:
-
Children as
pawns. Accuses you of bad parenting, threatens to take the
children away, uses the children to relay messages, or threatens to
report you to children's protective services.
-
Coercion and
threats. Threatens to hurt other family members, pets, children
or self.
-
Denial and
blame. Denies that the abuse occurs and shifts responsibility
for the abusive behavior onto you. This may leave you confused and
unsure of yourself or make you feel like you're going crazy.
-
Economic
abuse. Controls finances, refuses to share money, makes you
account for money spent and doesn't want you to work outside the home.
The abuser may also try to sabotage your work performance by forcing you
to miss work or by calling you frequently at work.
-
Emotional
abuse. Uses put-downs, insults, criticism or name-calling to
make you feel bad about yourself.
-
Intimidation. Uses certain looks, actions or gestures to
instill fear. The abuser may break things, destroy property, abuse pets
or display weapons.
-
Isolation.
Limits your contact with family and friends, requires you to get
permission to leave the house, doesn't allow you to work or attend
school, and controls your activities and social events. The abuser may
ask where you've been, track your time and whereabouts, or check the
odometer on your car.
-
Power.
Makes all major decisions, defines the roles in your relationship, is in
charge of the home and social life, and treats you like a servant or
possession.
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Recognizing Abuse:
Know the signs
It may not be easy
to identify abuse whether family abuse, spousal abuse, sexual abuse, child
abuse. An abusive relationship can start subtly. The abuser may criticize
your appearance or may be unreasonably jealous. Gradually, the abuse
becomes more frequent, severe and potentially life-threatening.
However, many
characteristics signify an abusive relationship. For example, you may be
abused if you:
- Have ever been
hit, kicked, shoved or threatened with violence
- Feel that you
have no choice about how you spend your time, where you go or what you
wear
- Have been accused
by your partner of things you've never done
- Must ask your
partner for permission to make everyday decisions
- Feel bad about
yourself because your partner calls you names, insults you or puts you
down
- Limit time with
your family and friends because of your partner's demands
- Submit to sexual
intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will
- Accept your
partner's decisions because you're afraid of ensuing anger
- Are accused of
being unfaithful
- Change your
behavior in an effort to not anger your partner
Pregnancy is a
particularly perilous time for an abused woman. Not only is your health at
risk, but also the health of your unborn child. Abuse can begin or may
increase during pregnancy.
Breaking the cycle: Difficult,
but doable with help
Domestic or family
violence is part of a continuing cycle that's difficult to break. If
you're in an abusive situation, you may recognize this pattern:
- Your abuser
strikes using words or actions.
- Your abuser may
beg for forgiveness, offer gifts or promise to change.
- Your abuser
becomes tense, angry or depressed.
- Your abuser
promises to stop but repeats the abusive behavior.
Typically each time
the abuse occurs, it worsens, and the cycle shortens. Breaking this
pattern of violence alone and without help is difficult.
"When you live in an
environment of chaos, stress and fear, you start doubting yourself and
your ability to take care of yourself," says Patterson. "It can really
unravel your sense of reality and self-esteem."
So it's important to
recognize that you may not be in a position to resolve the situation on
your own. You may need outside help, and that's OK. Without help, the
abuse will likely continue. Leaving the abusive relationship may be the
only way to break the cycle.
Getting Ready to Leave: Use a
safety plan
Leaving an abuser
can be dangerous. You're the only person who knows the safest time to
leave. Make sure you prepare a safety plan so that you can act quickly
when the time is right. Consider taking these precautions:
-
Arrange a safety
signal with a neighbor as an alert to call the police if necessary.
-
Prepare an emergency
bag that includes items you'll need when you leave, such as extra
clothes, important papers, money, extra keys and prescription
medications.
-
Know exactly where
you'll go and how you'll get there, even if you have to leave in the
middle of the night.
-
Call a local women's
shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233 to
find out about legal options and resources available to you, before you
need them.
-
If you have
school-age children, notify the school authorities about custody
arrangements, warn them about possible threats and advise the school on
what information to keep confidential.
As part of a safety
plan, avoid making long-distance phone calls from home because the abuser
could trace the calls to find out where you're going. And the abuser may
be able to intercept your cell phone conversations using a scanner. Switch
to a corded phone if you're relaying sensitive information.
Also, be aware that
the abuser may be able to monitor your Internet activities and access your
e-mail account. Change your passwords, get a new e-mail account or access
a computer at a friend's house or a local library.
The Need For Advocacy in Domestic Violence
For many years, domestic violence advocates have pushed the criminal
justice system to act promptly and fairly to protect battered women. While
a system that large does not change easily or quickly, an increased
understanding of the dynamics of violence by its practitioners and the
public challenge to violence against women have encouraged a new response.
Over the past twenty
years, much energy has gone into reshaping police practice. By means of
meetings, lawsuits, policies, and legislation, advocates have insisted
that police respond to domestic violence as a crime. In a growing number
of communities, police in partnership with advocates and other community
institutions are intervening to protect victims, hold assailants
accountable, and challenge the social underpinnings of domestic violence.
The strength of this
coordinated intervention lies in the consistency and uniformity of its
message: physically abusive behavior is against the law, regardless of the
relationship between the assailant and the victim. If you are violent
toward your partner, the community will hold you accountable through its
police, courts, and other institutions.
Police can be active
partners in this change, as they are in several pioneering communities.
For example, police now play key roles in the community intervention
efforts many cities across America and Europe. In those cities, police
have changed when and how they make arrests, conduct investigations, and
write reports. They have changed their relationships with and the level of
support they provide to victims, prosecutors and victim advocates.
Advocacy as a Way
Forward in Domestic Violence/ Family Abuse
The variety and
strength of support offered to battered women has also significantly
expanded in the last two decades. As community-based advocates have pushed
police, prosecutors, hospitals, and social service agencies to respond to
domestic violence, these systems have developed new policies and services.
The title
advocate has been applied to a wide range of victim assistance work.
We have learned, however, that the alignment of a position namely, how and
where a practitioner works influences its function and the degree to which
it can affect system-wide change. Here, we make a distinction between
victim services delivered within a governmental or quasi-governmental
system, and advocacy for change from the outside.
Maintaining a voice
outside these systems is central to advocacy. Advocacy requires that the
needs of battered women, individually and as a class, come first. This
purpose can conflict with the interests of the criminal justice system as
it focuses on arrest, prosecution, and sentencing.
In an effort to
improve law enforcement's understanding of domestic violence, and its
response to battered women, advocates have begun to work directly with
police, in both coordinated community response projects and on-scene
crisis response teams. To maintain their distinct role, advocates must be
mindful of the challenges that come with increased police collaboration
and partnership. Creating police change, and broader system change,
requires that we understand ourselves as advocates: our own attitudes,
functions, job structures, and purposes.
Domestic Violence
Facts
- Although men are
more likely to be victims of violent crime overall, a recent study by
the U.S. Department of Justice reports that "intimate partner violence
is primarily a crime against women."
- Of those
victimized by an intimate partner, 85% are women and 15% are men.2 In
other words, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be
victimized by an intimate partner.
- The vast majority
of domestic assaults are committed by men. Even when men are victimized,
10% are assaulted by another man. In contrast, only 2% of women who are
victimized are assaulted by another woman.
Vulnerability Factors
- Women age 16 to
24 are most likely to be victimized by an intimate partner.
- African-American
women experience more domestic violence than White women in the
age group of 20-24. However, Black and White women experience the
same level of victimization in all other age categories.
- Hispanic women
are less likely to be victimized than non-Hispanic women in every
age group.
- Women are most
vulnerable to violence when separated from their intimate
partner. The second most vulnerable group are those who are divorced.
This can discourage women from leaving their abusive partner, out of
fear that it will increase their risk of victimization.
Physical Injury
- Approximately
40-50% of female victims are physically injured when assaulted by their
intimate partner, accounting for over 200,000 visits to the hospital
emergency room each year.
- Only about 1 in 5
of domestic violence victims with physical injuries seek
professional medical treatment.
Murder
- Women are far
more likely than men to be murdered by an intimate partner. Of those
murdered by their intimate partner, 74% are women and 26% are men. In
other words, nearly 3 out of 4 of the murders committed by
intimate partners have a female victim.
- The FBI reports
that between 1976 and 1996, domestic violence claims the lives of
more than four women each day.
- Between 1976 and
1996, there was a "sharp decrease" in the number of men murdered by
intimate partners, whereas the number of women murdered by an intimate
partner remained constant. Some have attributed this to the increasing
availability of shelters which provide battered women with options other
than killing an abusive partner. It is possible that some women who
might have otherwise killed their abuser are able to leave and go to a
shelter.
Under-reporting of Domestic Violence to Police
- Only about half
of domestic violence incidents are reported to police. African-American
women are more likely than others to report their victimization to
police.
- The most common
reasons for not reporting domestic violence to police are that victims
view the incident as a personal or private matter, they fear retaliation
from their abuser, and they do not believe that police will do anything
about the incident.
- Even with
this dramatic under-reporting, domestic violence calls constitute
approximately half of all violent crime calls to police departments. For
example, 49% of the violent crime calls received by the DC Metropolitan
Police Department in 2000 were for domestic violence incidents.6
Police
Response Frequently Inadequate
- Skepticism
regarding the quality of police response is grounded in reality. A
recent study by the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department concluded that
there was a "clear and pervasive pattern" of departures from
departmental policy.
- For example, in
only one-third of the domestic violence calls did an officer take
photographs or ask about prior abuse.
- Only 17% of the
victims were asked about a restraining order, and 83% were provided
no printed information with contact information or resources.
The
Myth of "Mutuality"
- Although many
studies report that men and women use physical violence at equal rates
within intimate relationships, this fails to take into account the
nature of the violence and the level of fear and injury experienced by
each party.
- Several studies
document that women experience higher levels of fear than men do in
domestic violence situations. This is perhaps because women in domestic
violence situations are much more likely to be injured -- and injured
severely -- than men are.
- Recent
years have seen an increase in the number of women arrested for domestic
violence. For example, the percentage of women arrested for domestic
violence increased in Concord, New Hampshire from 23% in 1993 to 35% in
1999. Vermont saw a similar increase from 16% in 1997 to 23% in 1999.
Some have attributed this to the
increase in "mandatory arrest" policies, in which police are required to
make an arrest if there is probable cause that a person has committed
domestic violence. Passage of these laws was advocated by feminists and
domestic violence experts to address the inadequate response to domestic
violence victims by law enforcement. When officers arrive at the scene
of a domestic violence crime, they often cite evidence that both
partners have engaged in some aggressive behavior, and arrest both the
man and the woman. This "dual arrest" strategy fails to take into
account which of two people is primarily responsible for the aggression
and which one is responding out of self-defense, and can have
devastating effects, particularly if there are children involved in the
relationship.
To counteract this problem, some departmental or statewide policies now
provide guidelines for an officer to determine who is the "primary
aggressor" in a violent incident. For example, the California Commission
on Peace Officer Standards and Training publishes a guidebook for
officers responding to domestic violence, discouraging "dual arrests"
and outlining several factors to consider when determining who is the
primary aggressor in a domestic violence situation. The primary
aggressor is defined as "the person determined to be the most
significant, rather than the first, aggressor." Factors to consider
include the history of domestic violence between the people involved,
the threats and fear level of each person, and whether either person
acted in self defense. These are appropriate considerations when
determining who is the primary aggressor, and therefore which of the two
parties should be arrested.
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